Well.
It is time, my friends, my allies.
In font of me, on an innocent little Kindle screen, is the end.
For those of you who can't see the picture, It reads:
Skulduggery Pleasant: The Dying of the Light
downloading (78%)
It has been an incredible journey of a series: up and down and around again, biting our nails for our favourite characters and shipping Ghanith madly.
But it's also been an incredible journey for us, as a fandom and as a family.
A while back, when the cover for TDOTL was published on the blog, I sat down at wrote a lovely little speech about this. It was emotional and thoughtfully worded, and addressed every Bloglandian I know by name. It was also deleted when my computer went off to computer heaven (RIP).
So, this is all made up on the spot, and I think it's better that way.
(EDIT: Actually, no, it's one massive ramble. Feel free to skip to the end.)
When I'm trying to say something emotional, I tend to exaggerate, kind of like I'm trying to justify myself and my feelings.
But my fingers are tip-tapping away right now and I feel like typing the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
When one of my best friends did a little library presentation on the Skulduggery Pleasant series three (I think) years ago, I thought,
oh, that looks cool. I'll give it a try.
I was sold, gone, in my first fandom and over the moon. My friends and I picked taken names- Saph, Detta, Ferne, Jas, etc. And we built our own world in New Zealand, a kind of perfect scenario where we were all sisters and friends and ran away to have adventures before returning home in time for dinner.
Then I came on the blog for the first time, ranting about Tim Tams and not realizing that I could just refresh the page, rather than spamming the comments section continuously :P And I met some of the funniest, friendliest, bravest, deepest, most purely
good people I have ever known, even if they didn't see it themselves.
I fell a little in love with this world, and every person in it. From Clemy to Alastair, I loved them all for what they brought to my life. I loved
you, every one of you, and in time I begun to know you. Know your little quirks of typing, know about your love of certain TV shows or characters, your photoshop talents, the deepest thoughts of your mind and fears that crept in at night when the rest of the world was still.
As I grew, so did SaphTC. She became a person, with hopes and dreams and secrets and random thoughts I never wrote down. She lives in my head, but she became as real as you or I.
But here's the thing: I was trying to live in two places at once. I was trying to keep up with my schoolwork and real life and stresses of teenagehood, whilst still talking to you all regularly and taking on the stresses of this second world as well.
I couldn't. I kept leaving for a few weeks at a time- usually due to schoolwork, sometimes because I was just exhausted. Scarlet can tell you- she has enough texts and emails from me at half past four in the morning to prove it. There was one time I went four days on three hours sleep. But somehow, talking to any one of you made my whole world brighten up again.
One night at about 2AM, I realized something.
Yes, you are all dear to me. I really did love roleplaying and chatting and being there for you.
But if I'm going to be happy in life, it has to be with the life I've got.
I couldn't deal with two lives' worth of stress. So I just stopped going on.
Maybe you noticed. I don't know. I don't regret leaving- but I don't regret coming, either. Blogland is amazing and creative and beautiful and intelligent, and I am so much the better for knowing you all.
I miss you; every time I see a carrot, or hear about snowfall, or see Sherlock or Doctor Who or a rose, see a poster of 1D,
Or read the word 'dynamite'
Or hear someone use the word 'trip'
Or realize that it's nearly September
Or get asked anything to do with courage
Or see a mini cactus sitting on a windowsill
Or think deep philosophical thoughts about being unique
Or read any kind of writing that sounds like one of you
Or write poetry
Or see someone reading a book
Or hear them talking about their internet friends
Every day, every hour, every minute I remember you and I miss you so much it hurts, because there will never be a day when any one of you is no longer important to me.
You are so special and so perfect. I'm not like Annika or Taia or Star or Adra or Fabi or Luci. I'm not a good enough writer to find words for what can't be named, and they wouldn't be good enough if I did.
I've rambled on too long, I know. This just kind of... grew. But the point is that I want to say thank you. For loving me, for making me laugh, for being there everyday, for building a friendship on the shared love of one book series that now has come to an end.
I want you to know that I love you: Fabi, Snow, Ember, Scarlet, Cali, Serena, Death, Alex, the Bloglandians I never got the chance to meet and probably never will. I'm sure I would have loved you too. Take care of my friends, won't you? They're pretty awesome. You might have noticed.
Cheers to the fellow Kiwinions, and Alex wherever on earth he is now.
And I will forever owe the girl who introduced me to the first page. Scarl, you're still one of my best friends, my general moral compass and centre of pretty much everything I do.
I pay you back by letting you eat my lunch.
BASICALLY, what I am
trying to say and failing despite that whole big block of words, is that I am glad beyond words that I found you, and no-one will ever replace you.
In a way, it's been just like the books: funny and deep and based on a friendship that will never fade.
It's been the journey of a lifetime- and I hope it will continue to be, for a long time yet. SP may be over, but I'm certainly not. We're stuck together: for the days and weeks and months to come, however long until we finally create a country for Bloglandians where we can live in... well, not peace.
Unity?
No.
Insanity?
Yeah, that's the word.
I love you. I will always love you.
Thanks, New Zealand minions, even those who never commented on Derek's blog. This is still for you.
Thanks, Blogland.
Thanks, Derek.
Love,
Saph
